SmackyGirl

Yesterday I learned that I have Cervical Cancer. I had my family around me when my doctor told me, and I was taken good care of all day. I don`t remember much of what I have said or did the few first hours after I found out why I have been feeling sick all summer, and had to cancel my journey abroad and come home. Yesterday all the tests they have sent me around to do since august was completed. No matter how much prepared I was for what could come you are never going to be ready learning to know that you have cancer. I think the worst was seeing my mum struggle. but I was glad that she was there to ask the questions that I couldn`t and help me get home. I wanted to make sure my family and closest friends knew this before I made a statement for everyone else. 

Today I woke up after sleeping for 12 hours straight which is very unlike me. But my head and mind was very tired. I still don`t know what to think or if I am going to be open about my diseases. I think I just need some time to absorb these new news, I don`t think I have fully realized it yet.

I am very grateful for all the love, care and good luck wishes so many have sent me, I have tried to answer all of the messages but its been a difficult day so I am sorry that I ignored most of it… And there has been some questions about things that I don`t know yet.

What I can tell you is what I know. The hospital was not happy with the x-ray pictures I had taken of my tummy and lungs at a private clinic in September, they want to use their own equipment at the hospital to find out what stage my cancer is on. The doctor has said they think it is in a early stage. Which means that they will most definitely operate and remove everything inside. I will have a very quick change into menopause and will not be able to have babies anymore. There is also options like radiotherapy. And chemotherapy if the cancer has spread, but I don`t want to think to much about that before they know for sure.. 

I just need hope.

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