SmackyGirl

I`m not a happy Smacky at the moment. Very worried, stressed and scared. On the 14th of December I start chemotherapy and radiotherapy for five weeks. The operation I was hoping I would get has been put on hold because the tumor is too big to take out yet. It has grown into my left ovary and they need to give me radiotherapy to reduce the size of it. And I am getting chemotherapy because it has spread to my lymphatics. They are still categorizing me between stage 1 and slightly stage 2. So they still think chances are good.

I know I`m going to ruin Christmas, and the first thing I did was apologies to my mum. I know how hard she works every year to get everything perfect for Christmas. And I have been helping her bake and get things ready.

I am finishing Christmas shopping this weekend, and that is because I know I will be incapable of doing anything for the next 5 weeks. I will get radiotherapy five days a week, and chemotherapy one time a week at the hospital. I will be trying the best I can and if I feel like it to update my blog along the way but I can`t promise anything. And if I don`t answer any messages or comments I apologies and hope that you understand that I am not ignoring you or being ungrateful. I just don`t know how sick I am going to be. It is a pretty intense treatment I am going to be given. I know they give medicine for the sick feeling but it doesn`t always work specially when you get as much as I am going to be given. I hope it will be worth it, that the tumor will shrink and they can operate after new years.

Yesterday I went to the hospital to prepare for radiotherapy. They have drawn this all over my belly, it is so the laser knows were to beam during radiotherapy. They us a special penn. I have also finally got some medicine to stop my bleeding. That is the least fun part of this type of cancer. You can`t live a normal life or be close with anyone. And of course I miss that. Hopefully the pills will stop it.

(I`ve been tagged on)

I would like to express my love and gratitude to the enormous love, care, support and good luck messages so many have sent to me. I love you all. Keep me in your prayers. I`m having a hard time accepting the chemotherapy. I`m between giving up and fighting on. I know its going to be an awful month both for mind and body. And for my family too. I wouldn`t of managed this if my family and closest friends weren`t there to support me. Having someone that care about you and wants you to keep on fighting gives a good reason to do it. 

I will hopefully publish a interview with Max Rivera before I start my treatment. But after that I will need to take a break and concentrate on beating cancer. How life is going to be after all this I don`t know, maybe it will change me or maybe I will be coming back the same. The guys at French-Twinks will definitely have my support for life after the love and care they have shown me through this difficult time. So I have promised to come visit them in France when all this is over. 

It is good to have dreams and goal to look forward too and a motivation to get through this difficult time. 

Wish me well, I will see you soon again 🙂 

x Smacky x

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